


The Something That Was Never Anything

by AightImmaHeadOut



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Broken Engagement, Cheating, Hanahaki Disease, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27631093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AightImmaHeadOut/pseuds/AightImmaHeadOut
Summary: If Near could do it all again, he would do the exact same thing. Because Mello's love was something irreplaceable, and it was everything he had ever worked for. Near would do the exact same thing, because lost love is better then no love at all...Right?
Relationships: Matt | Mail Jeevas/Mello | Mihael Keehl, Mello | Mihael Keehl/Near | Nate River
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17
Collections: Meronia Hanahaki Fics





	The Something That Was Never Anything

Near thought of his life and all the things that came with it. He sat on his couch, in his perfectly clean room. 

It had worked. 

Mello and him we're _living_ together. They were getting _along_ with each other. They were _in love_ with each other. Near was so happy, even if he didn't show it all the time. He had a lover, a family, and a relationship. It was a miracle that he had even found someone who loved and cared, and not just look at his grades. He was on cloud nine all the time, and he was sure Mello felt the same. 

Looking back, Near saw the signs right away. He just chose to ignore them, right until his death. Because Mello _did_ love him. Mello _did_ care. He had to, because he had gotten on one knee and asked for his hand in marriage.

Yes. This is where it started. Their problems. Their lost love.

If Near could do it all again, he would do the exact same thing. Because Mello's love was something irreplaceable, and it was everything he had ever worked for. Near would do the exact same thing, because lost love is better then no love at all...

Right?

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The first few months in their new house was filled with memories that Near would give his life not to forget. It consisted of small kisses, flirting, and doing their best to make the other one happy. They were both happy, and they planned and talked the night away. 

But then, things started to get stressful.

Near had started it, unintentionally. He was frustrated with a case in where the mafia had All he made was an off-hand comment about the mafia, and how one would be stupid to even consider joining them. Mello had paused in his tasks, his fingers stopped freezing in mid-air. 

_"And what's that supposed to mean?"_ he said casually. 

Near knew what that tone was. He went on anyway. 

_"I mean, it's stupid. Why would you want to throw your life away when you have it all?"_

Mello had scowled then. His actions grew stiff.

_"Maybe so you could achieve you're goals?"_

Near hated being wrong. He told him so. 

_"Some things aren't worth throwing everything away."_

Mello slammed both fists on the table, making the table shake and his coffee to spill.

_"Perhaps you forgot that I joined the Mafia. Maybe you also forgot that without me, you would've been dead."_

Near knew this. He did, but Mello was pushing all his buttons. He didn't like talking about the Kira case. It was one that affected his life forever. L had died. Mello had gotten his scar.

_"Be quiet, Mello. I refuse to talk about this right now."_

Mello's eyes widened in surprise. He had stalked out of the room in a flash. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

The tension between the never seemed to fade after that. 

Both we're never one for apologizing, so they settled for acting like the incident never happened. It was impossible to ignore though. It was the first time Mello had yelled at Near since they started their relationship, and it was the very first time that Near had acted like he was lower then himself. 

Still, it was a embarrassing to apologize. So they never do. Looking back, Near would want to change this part, if he had the courage. 

Too bad he doesn't. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Their second fight was about children. 

Near had brought it up. He didn't know why he did. 

No. That was a lie. 

Near wanted children. He wanted someone to love and hug and kiss and care for. He wanted to give them all the love that he didn't have. He wanted to scowled them, and apologize that he had raised his voice. He wanted to take them to a regular school, one where grades we're only earned for themselves and their parents, not to be someone's replacement when they die. He wanted them to tell him when something was wrong, so he could help solve their problems in a most civil way. He wanted to spoil them with gifts and not care about the money he had spent. He wanted to give them a happy childhood. 

And he wanted to do this with Mello.

Near had always looked at himself as cursed. Just a thing, not a person. He was a hypocrite though, because he wanted other people to look at him as a human, a child, not a robot, a toy, and a thing that's only good for his brain. Was that all he was? Just an intelligent creature that has no life at all? No, he was just cursed. And he had no intentions of breaking it either. Curses were one of those things that lasted forever, because you were paying something you did. Maybe he had killed someone in his past life. Maybe his dead parents had done something and he was paying for them in their place. 

But cursed people never get what they want, no matter how much they want it. 

_"No."_

_"What...?"_

_"We aren't getting a child. They'll only get in our way during investigations."_

Near gaze hardened, but turned soft again when he imagined images of his child. _"I want something other then investigations and criminals, Mello."_

_Mello looked up from his papers, his eyes narrowing. "So what, you think the tile of L can just be given away? That's not how it works."_

Near inwardly flinched. Their relationship was still a bit rocky from their last harsh discussion. But how could he tell Mello that being L wasn't what he wanted? What if he just wanted to be normal?

_"A child can't fix us, Near."_

Near's eyes widened. What was he implying?

_"We...were never broken Mello."_

Mello had pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed.

_"I KNOW. But now you're talking like a one of those people in a soap opera who get a child and all their problems disappear. This isn't a movie, Near."  
_

But Mello was wrong. How could he tell him that he'd done countless hours of scrolling and research of children and how to raise them? How could he tell him that this wasn't an impulse decision, and how he genuinely thought that this could make them happy? 

He couldn't. He lost his temper instead. 

_"Mello. We have the funds. We have the house. We have the knowledge. I don't understand why you can't -"_

_"Do what, Near? Be a selfish little bitch like you? I've never heard you talk so much bullshit in you're entire life, be the successor everyone knows you as."_

Near could almost feel the tears coming. He wasn't being selfish. Mello wasn't even letting him talk. And was the only thing good about him being L with Mello? How about his other talents? Did he even have any?

Mello got up from his chair, and had turned around, not facing his lover. He said something so harsh that wouldn't dare bring up children ever again. 

_"Besides, how can someone so broken take care of a child? Get real."_

Near didn't see him for two days. But because he was gone for two days, he realized something. 

Everything he imagined about his child only showed him. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Things we're definitely starting to show. 

When they went out, everyone noticed their stiff body language, and how firm conversations. It was hard to believe that months ago, they couldn't keep their hands off each other, so much so that they would get disgusted looks from older civilians. They laughed about their faces later, when they had finally gotten home. But now, it seemed like they were strangers, or perhaps co-workers. Their love-making sessions had turned into intercourse to release pent up frustration. 

Even their sex didn't feel real anymore. 

The two would go out, and specifically only doing their errands, and go back to their warm household growing cold. Only exchanging less then ten words together of course. At one point, Mello had informed him that he was going to go a different way because he said he figured it would be faster rather then going all together at once. He would meet him back to the car in an hour, and he came fifteen minutes late. 

Near knew the real reason. He just wanted them to be out of their hair for an hour.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Their third fight was about him. 

Near had no idea how the topic was even brought to him in the first place. 

_"You never tell me how you're feeling!"_ he had yelled. _"How the hell am I supposed to know what you want if you don't tell me?!"_

 _"Whenever I do tell you about my feelings, you always insist that I'm just a successor!"_ he had shot back.

Mello had sneered then. _"You mean you're pathetic ideas about children?!" You can barely take care of yourself!"_

_"Fuck you, Mello. As if you can contain yourself over every little thing that happens in public. You're lucky you're not in jail!"_

_"Near, I fucking hate you!"_

They both knew that they had gone too far. 

They stopped. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next time they should've had a fight was when Mello came home. 

There was nothing special, he had just came home particularly late one day, making a feeble excuse that an investigation had need him. 

Near would've accepted it without question. The only reason he didn't, was because his fiancé had came home with hickeys on his neck. 

He didn't say anything. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was happening more frequently now. 

Mello was staying out later and later, an coming home with more and more marks. 

He sees his phone with a number that he doesn't recognize.

Near ignored it. They still had sex, and Near made more marks to make himself feel better. To tell the person leaving them that he wasn't the only one there. One day, he came home late without any explanation at all. Near didn't push. He didn't want to ruin his relationship anymore then they already have. 

It went too far when he didn't come home at all. 

Near decided to follow him next time.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When Mello leaves. Near follows. 

He does it quietly, and he dye his hair black for the sake of it all. He does this while Mello was sent out to go shopping, and he leaves a note saying that he's gone out as well. It's a lie of course, but it works. Mello takes one look at the note and takes it as an opportunity to leave, spinning on his heal so fast anyone would've thought it was an emergency. It wasn't, of course.

He followed his lover to a beat up apartment. He watched from a distance as he walked up the stairs and knocked on door 423. He watched as a very familiar man wearing a red and black shirt opened the door with a smile. He saw him put a hand on his cheek and lean in closer. 

Near turned around.

He wasn't sad. He hadn't even seen anything. He hadn't even been here. All he was doing for white hair dye, he had never followed Mello. 

Near walks home alone. He isn't mad. Besides, Matt had been the one person besides his fiancée that he could really have a heart to heart with. Matt helped him with his problems. He would never do something as repulsive as...whatever Near was assuming. Near was in the wrong on this one. He hadn't seen them do anything. They were just close. 

Near dyes his hair back to white. 

He forces himself to look at Mello's neck, and ignores the new bite marks. It was probably nothing. It was probably when he and Mello had sex last week. 

After all, he's wrong. He has to be. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Mello has been looking guilty for some reason. 

Near has no idea why, it just started up recently. The blonde's been giving him pitying looks, and his affection is all over the place. One day he's acting like the way before, before they had all their fights, and the next, he's ignoring him, like he can't bare to look at him. 

At least they don't fight anymore.

It was exactly like he used to be. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________--

Near was coming back from a four day business trip. 

However, he had to come back on the sixth day because he had some business to attend to for a case. It had been very stressful to book a flight late at night. Besides, he'd never like flying on airplanes. Humans were meant to stay firmly planted on the ground and not defying the laws of physics. In the wee hours of the morning, Near awoke from his slumber when his plane landed. It was time to get off, and he had a bad feeling in his stomach.

For some reason.

He could barely keep his eyes open on the drive home in his taxi. When he finally got to his new house, all he wanted to do was toss himself in his bed without changing into his comfy pajamas. But when he got a good look at his new house, he started feeling sick. He told the taxi driver to wait for him outside, instructing him to leave after ten minutes if he doesn't come out. He paid him extra for the trouble. 

His throat felt itchy.

He entered his house quietly, and hesitated when putting his keys on the table. He felt like he wanted to keep them with him for...easy access. He didn't know why, he just felt like it. He went up the stairs slowly, remembering every single creak he did when he carelessly went up without a care. He heard something familiar. Near put his hand on his and Mello's bedroom. He felt like coughing, and he didn't know why. He didn't have a cold. Maybe it was because he heard creaking coming from inside. Maybe it was the short gasps, and name-calling that made him sick to his stomach. 

He slowly opened the door. And saw something so betraying, that he became frozen at the door.

It wasn't fair. He had faith in him, in _them_. He wanted to believe in them because they were the only ones he could trust. At least that's what he thought. He gave them so many chances. He gave them so many hints that he _knew_. Near loved him. He loved both of them, he really did. But...but now, there's no room for him. Suddenly the air became so thick with, with whatever it was. But his fiancée and his best friend noticed him at the door now. They froze in fear, and guilt because they both didn't think that Near would come back at this second, this minute this hour. 

Maybe the world wasn't fair to them too. 

Perhaps that's why they decided to have sex in the one place he called home. Because they knew they were wrong and there was no way either could tell him. Yeah, that was it. It was never meant to be. 

Never. Because he was cursed. Cursed people don't get what they want. 

Near spun on his heel, not even bothering to close the door behind him.

"Near, please wait. I can explain-"

Near didn't want to wait. He was tired, so tired of everything. He wanted everything to stop. He ran to his taxi downstairs, and asked him to take him to the nearest place where he could stay, perhaps an inn or a motel. He didn't care at this point. As long as he got away from his personal hell. 

It was that exact thought he thought of when he started coughing. It wasn't normal either. It was dry, and sickening, and it made him want to throw up. He felt like his heart was gonna pound out of his chest. The taxi driver had alarming tone if he needed a hospital, but Near felt whatever he was coughing up come up. 

It was a petite, white petal. 

Mello didn't love him.

**Author's Note:**

> (EXCLUSIVE NOTE FOR HOPE. I'M STILL WORKING ON YOU'RE FIC, BUT I DID THIS ONE FIRST BECAUSE I WAS SUFFERING FROM WRITER'S BLOCK.)  
> yep. I decided I wanted hanahaki, so I wrote this depressing fic where Mello and Near's relationship doesn't really go as planned. And their both dickheads and scumbags in this one. So enjoy. BTW I DONT THINK MELLO IS A CHEATER. THIS IS JUST A SCENARIO.
> 
> Next dickhead and scumbag chapter will come soon.


End file.
